A Sparkling Second Act

How This Empty Nester Is Transforming Grief Into A Second Half With No Regrets

I wasn’t prepared to become an empty nester.

In fact, looking back, I am shocked at how woefully unprepared I was to enter this second half of life stage.

Obviously, I knew it was coming, but I had no clue what the reality of that would be like for me. I didn’t have a plan either. Not a real plan anyway —only loose ideas about how I’d spend my time without consideration for all the important things that come with getting older.  

It didn’t help that my youngest left home six months earlier than we’d planned. At age 17 ½, six months before he graduated from high school he moved into an L.A. recording studio to take a live-in residency position.  Don’t get me wrong—I was thrilled for him, and he was ready, but I wasn’t.

Following my empty nest band-aid being ripped off, it took me several months to recognize that the emotions I was experiencing were symptoms of grief. In a search for guidance, I turned to my then 85-year-old mother.

As a writer, I frequently interview motivational speakers, company founders, CEOs and successful people, so I treated it like any other interview. I prepared questions for my mom to learn about her empty nest experience and recorded it.  

I discovered so much—about her, about how wrong I was about her motivations behind that chapter of her life, about how different empty nesting is now, compared to when my mother’s generation went through it, and that there were many things I needed to evaluate and get clarity on if I was going to have a happy, fulfilling, second half of life.

I was also extremely grateful I recorded it…

Because two weeks later a series of illnesses struck my mother, resulting in her eventual death 4 ½ months later. During that timeframe, a trifecta of experiences created a perfect storm that made me acutely aware of the importance of unlocking the doors I faced in the second half of life. These included:

1)     Four extremely telling things my mom said during her interview.

There were a lot of things I discovered through that interview with my mother which I’ll unpack in future posts, but the following four statements never left my memory: She said:

·        “If only I would have started ten years earlier, I would have pursued …”

·        “If I had my life to live over, which of course no one can do, I wish I would have…” 

·        “There are things you don’t think to ask until it’s too late.”

·        “I watched people retire at 65 and die within a few years because they had no plan for what to do with their life.”

An extremely wise woman, she also said, “Pay attention. There’s a lot you can still do. If you don’t think about this (time of your life), a year or two (or more) can easily slip by and you’ll have done nothing and then you’ll wish you had that time back, that you’d done something with that time.”

2)     Dinner with brilliant women who told me their life was boring.

Six weeks after interviewing my mom, I had dinner with five brilliant women I’d known for three decades. While we’d stayed in touch, I hadn’t seen them in 20 years. They were all empty nesters and just starting their second half of life. When I asked them to share the best thing in their life unrelated to their kids, only one could think of something to share about a trip she’d taken. None of them could think of anything that they were looking forward to or excited about. Most said their lives were “pretty boring” and routine.

Back when we were in high school and college, these women were vibrant leaders, go-getters, and inspirational. I couldn’t help but wonder if they’d forgotten how truly amazing they are. I also wondered how many other incredible women were in the same position. I wondered—what if they could be reminded and awakened again to remember the remarkable woman they’ve always been?

3)     Five devastating, life-altering experiences within five weeks.

Six weeks after the dinner with my friends kicked off a series of gut-punches. Within a 35-day timespan, my mom fell and suffered a traumatic brain injury, my best friend of 43 years ghosted me (I’ve never heard from her again), my house flooded, I lost 75% of my income overnight, and my mom died.

Yet, it was one of the most significant, joyful, meaningful years of my life.

People wanted to know how I did this – as I started sharing my methods, others used what I shared with them and began having similar experiences in their own lives.  This solidified my commitment to helping women make their second half of life their best half and launched me deeper into researching what it takes to successfully navigate the second half of life.

As I plunged deeper into my research and validation, I became acutely aware that there are financial planners to help you with making sure you have enough money for your second half of life. And there are estate planners and legal planners to help you plan for your death.

It left me wondering

…

What exists to help you navigate and design how to LIVE your second half of life so you have no regrets?

I wanted to know… how do you face this unknown territory?

As I asked friends, family, and empty nest women everywhere I went, no one could give me an answer. People confided in me their struggles … and confessed that so far, Google hadn’t turned up the answers.

My conversations turned up the same thing over and over.

What I discovered is that there are seven areas you must explore – with accompanying conversations you must have if you want to live life fully and create a second half of life that truly sparkles.

These discoveries have led me to experience an epic transition into my second half of life that’s included:

·        Co-authoring a book with a respected mentor and best-selling author

·        Checking 28 travel experiences off my bucket list

·        Losing 28 pounds and finally finding a solution to maintaining a healthy lifestyle after battling this problem for over a decade

·        Helping my dad find JOY after losing his wife of nearly 60 years.

·        Creating a gift I’d been “meaning to get to” for 14 years for my stepson and having him say, “This is the most meaningful gift I’ve ever received.”

·        Fulfilling dreams I’d been thinking about since I was in my twenties.

·        Reconnecting with dozens of friends and family around the country in meaningful ways.

·        Making breakthroughs, removing blocks and self-limiting beliefs that had been sabotaging me my whole life…

This is only a partial list of what has happened in the last few years because of the discoveries I’ve made.

Which is why now I am committing to sharing what I’ve learned along with discoveries I make in the hopes of inspiring and helping growth-minded women make their second half of life the BEST half, living FULL out with no regrets.

Each week I’ll be posting ideas, resources, and tools to help you find more joy, create more meaning, and live and connect better. We’ll discuss everything from pursuing passions to aging to living authentically to letting go and building an impactful legacy. I hope you’ll join me on this journey as I explore and share discoveries I make through interviews, research, and my own experiences. I’d love to hear your experiences too. Who knows—you may be featured right here on the Joyful Empty Nester and inspire women near and far!

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